Thursday, October 06, 2005
Fairly recently, Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu recently presented the contry with her state's bill for Katrina: $250 billion. In an earlier story, Ms. Landrieu had threatened to punch anyone who questioned the trustworthiness of local officials in the face. Now, far be it from me to question the honesty and integrity of Louisiana's leadership. So, Mary, I've got a suggestion that'll put all those silly doubting Thomases to rest. Since the leadership of your state would never dream of dealing with this money in the most upright and above-board manner, I'm sure this will just be a formality. There's been some calls for a federal oversight board for this money. Let's go with it, but add just a tiny modification. What I'm suggesting to you, Mary, is that we should bring back a modified form of the Roman practice of proscription for anyone found guilty of shady dealings with this money. Specifically, under my plan, all of the convicted's possessions: his house, any investments, his car, anything in his house, etc. will be sold off to repay the federal Treasury from the cost of the $250 billion. In short, the proscribed (and this would only happen if they were found guilty) would be left with absolutely, utterly, nothing. While the Romans usually stripped the proscribed of citizenship and any legal protection, I'm a kindhearted man, and wouldn't think of going that far. I'd only say that the proscribed should be permenantly denied any public assistance. Now, I know what you're thinking at this point: "But what about the chillllldrennnnnn....". Well admittedly that does pose a problem, I'd say we could develop special rules to simplify their adoption without the proscribed's consent. Besides, all of this is purely theoretical. After all, doesn't your threat prove how much you consider your state's leadership to be above reproach?
